Alternate Definitions Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage…
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it’s because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it’s because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if…
Dear reader, If life gives you melons, check to see if you’re dyslexic. Sincerely, lemons.
When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he’d lost his wife while scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this…
For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a…
>I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits. >I wanted to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn’t in it. >Had to fire my masseuse today….
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up…
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything, tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything that they could think of Finally in a last ditch effort, they took…
I hate being bi-polar…It’s freaking awesome.
Dear duck, Remember that night in Vegas? You have a son. His name is platypus. Sincerely, beaver
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club. “You’ll be driving later,” replies the…
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill…
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: “Boys, we all know I’ve been…
A man bought several acres of wasteland and within a year, turned it into a thriving produce farm. The local pastor stopped by and complimented the man on his vast progress. Then he added, “Wondrous…
Dear Person pushing my buttons, You’re going down. Sincerely, The Elevator
